Friday, 21 May 2010

The Not so Good, the Okay and the Great

Been 8 weeks for 12 minutes. Two months pregnant. My baby's now a fetus the size of a raspberry. Only a month to Nunchal scan and only a month till out of the danger 1st trimester zone.

So I've had a couple of brown spots. Not really brown, more like beige and the quantities have been negligible (three times over the past week maybe and no more than a smidgen) but scary nonetheless. Two of them were before the scans so everything was okay after them so I am hoping everything is still ok. I am clearly not freaked out enough when it happens that I want to go to the ER and I could and they would, hopefully, likely scan me again. I take the fact that I am not inclined to run out the door as a good sign.

On the other hand I won't just think pink, because you see, wrong as this will sound, I have one thing that terrifies me more than the idea of a miscarriage and that's the idea of a missed miscarriage. Maybe I'm a tad sick but the idea of that little heartbeat stopping and me carrying a dead fetus simply fills me with panic. I'd do anything to avoid it. If I get a strong feeling that it may be what's happening I will go flying to impale myself on the first dildo cam I can find, but for now, thankfully I don't feel that.

In less gloom and doom news, I can accept the strangest of things ranging from my suddenly sunny disposition and extreme love for the Viking to the fact that I crave salad and fruit -how tacky is that, to be craving healthy stuff?!?- but I can't accept how dumb this little baby makes me! Here I am, applying for jobs at the top echelon of the telecom management (I can has two interviews tomorrow and Tuesday btw, holler!!!) and at the same time I start sentences and am unable to finish them because my mind draws complete, utter blanks. The space where I thought information was committed is now a blank slot. Nothing. Can't recall what I meant, can't find the right word for what I remember I mean, can't remember why I am trying to use the word for the stuff that I recall and mean! This is NOT good.

In even happier news, I have a pregnancy song. What? No such thing as a pregnancy song? Pah, there's one for everything other so why not?!? It makes me smile and think of LHB and makes me think it will all be ok. It's this:

There's a reason... why I'm feeling so high!

No comments: