Thursday, 5 August 2010

Now with "W00t!"

I feel better about realizing we're getting a little girl, I have to give it to the Viking, he helped by being more emotionally nimble... just this morning when I woke up he had been awake for a while staring at my belly with a dumb smile on his face. He claims he was thinking of when we need to buy her first laptop and how he'll teach her to work Linux shells on an obscure distribution. He was late for work as this prompted me to settle who's in charge of what school subject as I can't do Maths or Physics but can compensate by watching Disney cartoons with her, but no other kind, I hate cartoons in general, if she's a Pokemon kinda gal it's her dad she'll need. We then decided she will be a lawyer or a doctor and were happy she's not a boy as they would be more difficult to steer, that she will swim (DUH considering where she will live) and play (her pink) guitar and take ballroom dancing lessons and will have weekly girly shopping days -I was kind enough to offer my help for that-. He promised he will not utter a word about his passion for ladies' soccer to her as between the hard rock and the programming, adding soccer would rob us of any chance of having a heterosexual child and then grandchildren. I then realized I have plenty of models, I know every episode of the Gilmore Girls by heart! We'll be like that. Minus the teen pregnancy. At least on my part

We also threw in some day dreaming about how sweet she will be taking care of Adam, her baby brother and how he'll take over taking care of her as soon as he hits 12. Then we realized how late he was and I ushered him out the door.

So in essence, there was more of the fluffy mushy stuff and less of the "OMG it's so much longer till V day, what if something happens now?!?" these days.

So "w00t!"

How do we feel?

To be honest right about now all I am feeling is guilty that I am not more picture-perfect-excited if that makes any sense? I'm trying to process it but it's a bit much for now I guess, it's just like it's a new person I have to picture in my head than the one I have done so far, IYKWIM?

Another thing that became crystal clear to us both the second she said "girl" was that we will be trying for another IVF as soon as we can. I didn't think we would and I think that if we would have had a boy I'd be slower to think that way but this way it feels wrong to leave a girl alone in the world. All part of the irrational thought brigade

I figure much of my apprehension stems from how I only raised my brother, he is my only model for this, I haven't even been around babies and children of friends, much less around little girls so I have very little in the way of idea of what I am meant to do with her... I know how to be motherly and friendly and this and that with a boy, is it the same thing? Would another level of closeness and friendship be required, the proverbial mother-daughter tie? See I never had one with my mother and so I wouldn't know... If anything I have been her mother and hence my only reference of parenting a female is disastrous LOL

The Viking is ok, he looked disappointed the first minute or so but then his face beamed and he was all hurt when I implied that maybe he didn't want a girl. He's now making plans for rifles and rocking chairs on porches and just a minute ago sent me this, saying he needs to buy it for her:

Our LHB is a Girl!

I thought I was gonna die of a heart attack this morning, I have been in board rooms with the biggest hot shots of the international telecom arena and never been as nervous as I have been in that waiting room. Not so much for the gender but for all other possible nasty news!

Me: They are now 3, count them THREE minutes late!!!
Viking: 2 and a half but ok.
Me: This is not gonna end well, I'm gonna kill them today.
Viking: Then we'll have free food for you for a while.
Me: Ummm am I meant to eat them?
Viking: No, food in prison.
Me: Ah.
Me: My alternative was better. I'd even share with you.
Viking: Right, I'll see what the hold up is!

And then we entered and she counted the kidneys, toes, parts of the heart and brains and they were amazingly all there! The bones were long enough, the cooking was 2 days ahead and then she turned her attention to her lower half and showed us her legs were crossed. Seeing how that made us draw a sharply disappointed breath she insisted and pushed the probe in all directions possible.

Her: What do you think it is?
Me: I don't know...
Her: What's your gut feeling?
Me: Oh I am pretty sure we're having a boy.
Her: I'm not.
Me: No?
Her: No, I'd rather think a girl.

This left our respective brows curled with uncertainty but before we could phrase a "WTF mate?!?" in a proper way she called us over to see the medical record and there, after it said our baby was properly formed, had enough liquid and all the right parts it said "Flicka". No "probable" no "IMO", no quantifier.

Me: So if you were to tell us a percentage, are you 70% convinced it's a girl or 90%?
Her: Oh I'm not uncertain at all, it's a girl, just can't give it in writing. Well not to you. Congratulations on the little miss.

Here's a picture of our LHB which, to be fair must be a play of light and shades to be this clear of a profile because it looks like an adult's face so it's not right but nonetheless may give us some idea of her tiny fingers is nothing else

Sunday, 1 August 2010

Pink or Blue?

Is there such a thing as online diary writer's block and why do I have one? I'm gonna be so sorry for being so lazy/depressed/in a phunk when the baby comes and I realize I never bothered to write in time, I never documented things.

I check them and obsess about everything extensively, I just don't write them for some reason, it almost feels like all my online time should be spent looking for work so any emailing, forums or FB are a waste and I ought to feel ashamed. I know, bizarre but there you have it.

In the obsession realm I now know I am 41 inches (106 cm!) around my belly when I was 27.5 (70 cm) which is just shocking and I haven't even measured my arse for fear I'd faint in particular since that one doesn't also contain a baby!!!

We were given some bits and some we bought from fleamarkets and cheapo stores and we've spent nearly nothing and yet we now have a Moses basket, a (somewhat unstable but pretty) changing table, a baby gym, an eclectic collection of fluffy toys and quite some baby clothes. I ought to take pictures soon. We're missing a large amount of items though, so very many it's daunting in particular with our financial situation.... It's scary to even think of the tens of types of wipes and nappies and cloths one needs, leave alone major purchases such as cots, prams, baby sitters, car seats, electric pumps to name just a few of the essentials we don't own!

This will be tight.... The Viking keeps muttering every day how "normal people who haven't spent their last dime on IVF" take our a large loan or max out a credit card and have fun buying all the things the baby needs. I'm not bothered about them not being new as long as they are pretty and functional and, most importantly, existent :)

One other thing the Viking shockingly spoke about was fertility clinics in Perth :O and even, if there isn't enough time to squeeze one more try here before we move down under. Say what?!? I managed to temper his enthusiasm by saying I'm willing to discuss this in Feb or Mar 2011 at the earliest :))

Speaking of moving down under.... we threw a few days of super human effort at it and we managed to get our Cambrige language places secured for the 20th of August and we ran around like headless chicken and notarized, copied, begged and stole papers till we had the file complete and we now sent the Viking's qualifications to the Computer Specialists Association or such to wait for their acknowledgement in his field. We're going to Romania to sort my passport on the 25th of this month and when we come back -incidentally close to the all important Viability day and a day before another u/s- I'll have a new passport and we can then gather the rest of the documents and lodge the visa application. It's not easy and it's scary but we're beyond ecstatic every time we think of what our new life there will be like.

Back to LHB business, I am in SO much pain!!! Back pain in various places that kills me and heels pain every time I stand for more than 3 minutes that reduces me to tears are the most prominent but the internal pulls and pushes and hurt haven't stopped. What hasn't started though is him moving! It's starting to worry me.... beyond the flutters weeks ago, nothing and yes, we've turned 18 weeks on Friday.... I'll ask on Tuesday if my placenta is still anterior as they said at the last one.

Speaking of Tuesday, shouldn't I be counting minutes? I'm excited to see LHB indeed but I am not dieing to know what s/he is if that makes any sense? Consider yourself polled on here or FB and tell me what you think LHB will be:)!

Here are some more pics of hugeness. It doesn't seem like it grew much, did it?

Much love to everyone and thanks so much for stopping by even when I crawl into my hole :)